Names are Funny

There really is a guy named Cecil Shorts.

Add It Up

It's not over until the stat corrections are posted. And with these refs, the league might add a few yards here or there. So don't go posting your medals on Facebook quite yet.

Indy!

Somebody pick up the Indianapolis DEF, stat!

Not Sayin'; Just Sayin'

Part 1-
Fill 'er up. Did your draft go on for hours and did people whine about having to drive back to Chicago when it's dark out? Then maybe you didn't draft a full roster and you need to add one more player via free agency.

Part 2-
Kevin Ogletree just hit his high market value. You might want to trade him.

Stop Doing Drugs...

...and set your lineup. Football starts in 30 minutes.

(I really don't care if you stop doing the drugs or not.)

Post-Draft Analysis

So, you've drafted. Now, close your eyes and take a deep breadth.  Now, open your eyes and look over your draft sheet. Notice any oddities in your lineup? Maybe you need an extra TE or better back-up QB? Maybe you drafted an injured player? Maybe the beer took over and you drafted a Mike Shanahan RB? It's okay.
The season hasn't started so it's time to assess your weaknesses and make some free agent acquisitions. Maybe trading for Brandon Marshall is an option?

Draft Day! Part 3

Unless you can use your last draft pick on a kicker who kicks 8 weeks out of the year in the greater San Francisco Bay area, don't draft a kicker. There will be one available right before kickoff on Sunday of Week 1.

Football!

Draft Day! Part 2

Next tip- don't use a high draft pick on someone who is injured:

Who will be injured (again):

Or who is permanently concussed:

Draft Day!

For many reading this it's DRAFT DAY! If you're like me, your research has consisted of reading some SI.com posts and watching a quarter of Bears football. Prepared, I am.
Speaking of SI.com, here's a tip: Never read anything written by Eric Mack. I have no idea if his fantasy football information is any good, since his writing is so inane I go catatonic after 2 paragraphs. Awful.
Here's a real tip- for your first pick or two get someone good. Sounds simple enough, but your number 1 pick needs to either throw for a lot of yards (4500), catch the ball and run with it for a lot of yards (1400), and/or run for a whole lot of yards (1400). So who's going to do that? Players who did that last year, players who almost did that last year, and players who haven't been injured, arrested, or gotten old recently.

Just the Tip

Quick tip- if one guy is always winning the league, make sure to schedule the draft on a date he can't make.

Naming Help

Your draft will be coming up soon. The most important decision of your fantasy football year is upon you. What will you name your team?

First, if you lost your league last year (and chances are you did) then you need a new team name. You can't win with a loser team name and no one wants to see it any more even if it's the funniest thing you've ever come up with.

Second, try to be funny. But if you got nothin' then be topical. How about "Chad Retired His Johnson (Again)"?

Third, if all else fails, try naming your team in another language.

Bad Luck

In doing this blog I'm guaranteeing myself a big fat 0-11 regular season.

Bad juju. Instant karma. Bad luck. Call it what you will, but it's as real as anything else in fantasy football. So, I'll pray to whatever god will listen and hope my 33-year-old-on-his-third-wind-running-back makes it through the season.

In case you're in a similar predicament, here's a list that might help. Choose wisely.

You Coulda Had...

Here it is. Your guide to why you lost your fantasy football league. Here's what you should be doing in February to win your league in December: Watch the Super Bowl; she will be.

More to come...